from The Cleve-O-Grotto News, Vol. 43, No. 2, February 1997, page 15
By SMOKIN' JOHN PRISEL AND AL
Well, its been about six months since last OTR, so I guess it's time I put this article together.
You may remember the "You Might be a Caver if... Part II" article that was put together from thoughts gathered at OTR '95. In keeping with tradition this article is being written from thoughts gathered at OTR '96. I'm doing the easy part of putting this article together. The hard part, writing the article, was done by the people who stopped by the OTR White House and took the time to read the notebook and add their own thoughts. The scary part is that many of the people were writing about real experiences. You may even be one of the co-authors, and if you are, I thank you. Don't forget to stop by the OTR White House and see what we are going to write about this year. So without further ado....
You know you're caving with the wrong people if....
...someone in your group has to stop and lie down every 15 minutes to rest his hernia.
...if they say "This is the first underground cave I've been to."
...they even use whiskey in their carbide lamps.
...they talk about tight squeezes, but not in reference to girls or caves!
...they think "Old Timers" refers to old people.
...they eat chili and sauerkraut for breakfast.
...someone doesn't know how to use a can cooler.
...they think a squeeze box is an accordion.
...they want to be at the cave at 6:00 a.m.
...they tell you that it's all right, you won't need toilet paper to wipe with.
...the driver says "Hey, I know a great shortcut", while drinking whiskey.
...they tell you the cave is dry and horizontal. And when you get to the cave, you are the only one without a wetsuit and vertical gear.
...they tell you they are a member of a "Spelunking Club" and they know of a hole that you never hear a rock hit the bottom of.
...they say that they have to stop at Wal-Mart on the way to get a new caving light.
...you're at the bottom of a multi-drop cave and they ask how to use a handled ascender.
...after a grueling 5 hour trip, standing just off a road, you and your friends are butt naked changing into dry clothes and none of the inevitable passerbys wave or honk.
...a guy puts on his Gibbs Cam and says he's ready but the pin is only through the shell and not the cam.
...they start evaluating nail polish and how well they stand up to mud.
...they say "If I fall, just catch my head."
...you say "we've been doing pits" and they ask "got any more?"
...they say "Oooh, MUD" and wrinkle their nose as soon as they get in.
...they tell you the written description of the cave they are taking you to includes the phrase "very hostile land owner."
...they take you to a 50 foot drop into a wet goopy crawl cave with a 300 foot rope and are wearing shorts and a Wal-Mart head lamp.
...they don't mill around for hours before leaving for the cave, mill before goin' in the cave, mill in the cave, and mill in the bull pasture on the way out.
...all they can talk about are the brownies they had for breakfast.
...they check their makeup before going into the cave.
...they think webbing has to do with computers.
And my all time favorite entry in the notebook....
You know you're caving with the wrong people if they think a Prusik knot is a new kind of pastry.
[Any typos in this article are my own and not those of The Cleve-O-Grotto News or its Editor. - Editor]
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